I Don't Remember Meeting Her...
I don't remember meeting her, just how she made me feel
I couldn't help avoiding her, just knowing she was real.
Before, after, outside of class, it didn't matter where.
Her smell would find me, lingering…
her essence in the air.
I managed to miss her those few years,
though touched by her influence.
I didn't know she was watching me,
How reckless, oh, how foolish.
Spring came and so did the sickness,
the motivation I had;
The plans I had were lost,
the peace I had, gone bad.
My inhibitions, just a thought,
A thought I put to bed.
The memories I had of seeing her
took their place instead.
I wouldn't see her til the following Fall,
When I'd finally made up my mind.
I asked her one day, “Do you feel the same?”
She said, “Girl, all the time.”
The first time I touched her, I held her,
And I didn’t let her go.
I'd say, “Again, again, again.”
And I knew she wouldn't say no.
With Fall came the joy, the ache,
The day sickness lingered but the distance closed;
And she; her beauty, her spark, her grace
Her indignation was all exposed.
I'd say she scared me almost everyday,
but I couldn't let her go.
She'd hold me in her special way, and say,
“You'll never let me go.”
I don't remember that year we shared,
or much of the one after that.
I imagine it's because of what we went through.
Or what she put me through, in fact.
It had been three years since I had first seen her,
Since my lips first felt her touch.
But when I spoke of quitting her
It all became too much.
She'd scream in my ear with deafening cries
Distracting my every thought.
“YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAR THIS WORLD WITHOUT ME?
I'M HERE TO TELL YOU, YOU CANNOT.”
The threats became too much for me.
They lived inside my head.
But, I knew I would be better off.
She told me I'd be better off dead.
There were weeks that came and went
when I could not breathe her air.
I'd smell an intoxicating scent
and know that she was there.
One day her threats got so intense
I couldn't even stand.
I couldn't think of what to do,
I couldn't understand.
How could something I love so much,
That gave me so much ease,
Be the reason I cry alone,
in pain, and on my knees?
Her threats gave me an anxiety attack;
Harassed by the sound of her voice.
I had to get away from her,
She had given me no choice.
I went to the authorities, but of course,
“There's nothing we can do,
Unless you can limit contact with her,
What happens next is up to you.”
Can't they see what's happened to my life?!
I can't go on like this!
Before I knew it I’d fallen back
To her air, her touch, her bliss.
I wish the story ended somewhere,
I wish I could give you closure.
I wish I could say I stopped it there,
But the pain only brought us closer.
I feel lost without her,
Anxious with her,
I'm skipping every meal.
But it's not about what she makes me do,
Just how she makes me feel.
Use my story as a cautionary tale,
View your habits with the same disdain.
And promise me you won't make the same mistakes,
When you meet Mary Jane.
